As you let me walk away, tears will fall. Each one screaming for you to stop me.

Do I regret the events that took place last month? No, I do not.

Though the last month has been so full of drama, I had fun for the most part. Some bad decisions may have been made, but they were worth it just to know.

Do I regret hurting someone that has been my best friend for so long? No, I do not.

I only wish that the situation would have been handled differently. I keep thinking if I had been honest from the beginning the outcome would have been different, but I doubt it. Even though I do not regret it, I am sorry for hurting her.

Do I think if our roles were reversed, that she would have done the same? Yes, I do.

We are always taught to follow our hearts. That's what I did, but not alone. Yet, I was made to be the bad guy. Then again, I broke the "code".

Do I think everything will ever be okay with us again? No, she will never forgive me.

If it was me, I wouldn't forgive me either. Still though, I feel I did not do anything wrong. It is never wrong when a person listens to their heart and mind. She did the same thing, but it was okay for her to do it. That's according to everyone else of course.

There is one thing I do regret about the last month. That's letting the drama get to me and causing a disruption of sorts.

I've lost everything and everyone. Of everyone though, I only miss one. No matter what anyone thinks, we were just friends....just a higher level. Are we still friends? Maybe. I hope so. I don't think either one of us was prepared for what took place. I hope one day..... That will remain a silent thought for now.

Do I want to rewind? Yes, but only to where everything started falling apart.

Do I think there is ever a recovery for this? I'm not quite sure yet, but my gut is screaming no. My heart is bleeding tears. My brain is begging please.

Where do I go from this? God only knows.

For now I'm lost and broken in a million pieces that are scattered too far to retrieve. The piece that holds me together, he kept for himself. That same piece I can rebuild, but it takes time. He can keep it, as long as it is done so with care and kept within. Remember though, we were/are just FRIENDS. Yet we were both falling in love...too soon, too quick. Sorry to whoever that hurts, pisses off, or offends, but that is the truth.

I cannot fight for what is not mine. I cannot fight for what isn't to be fought for. All I can do is sit, wait, and hope that everything will work itself out. In the meantime, I am working on rebuilding some relationships that were broken over the last FEW months. If they can't be fixed, I can at least say I tried.

At the same time, I am trying to figure out how to rebuild myself and my willingness to continue on with life.

"Each of us is meant to have a character all our own, to be what no other can exactly be, and do what no other can exactly do."